1. Communication problems
Positive communication can feel hard to regain once it’s slipped away. Negative patterns show up in words, tone, or body language, which can leave one of you feeling dismissed, insecure, or unheard. It’s not just what you say; it’s how you say it, whether you’re present, and whether you understand each other’s unique sensitivities and triggers. Eye contact, attention, and respect all matter. Want to find out how I help couples improve their communication here.
Solution
- Relationship rituals: Share a daily meaningful moment together, like getting up earlier to share morning coffee together or ensuring you sit down to dinner together after your day. The aim is to make time to connect emotionally and talk about your day.
- Family meetings: Hold regular check-ins to discuss individual and family plans, finances, and household chores, keeping everyone aligned.
- Rules for conflict: Agree on boundaries and needs during disagreements. A couple therapist can guide you in setting fair, respectful ground rules.
2. Affairs and Infidelity
Infidelity can feel like the ultimate betrayal, but couples can rebuild a relationship after an affair. It requires commitment, honesty, and a willingness from both partners to show up for each other, in and outside of therapy.
In sessions, I blend couples counselling with interpersonal psychotherapy to explore why the affair happened, discover unmet emotional needs, and create change. Healing comes from repairing the bond, not just patching the wound.
Solutions
- Consistency builds trust – keep showing up in the same way over time.
- No lies – honesty is non-negotiable.
- Respect needs if your partner wants space, give it; if they want closeness, be there.
- Meet needs directly – ask what your partner requires and commit to it.
- Listen deeply – true repair begins with hearing and responding to each other.
If you’re not quite ready for couples therapy – read or listen to this book: The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity by Esther Perel. “Infidelity is the ultimate betrayal. But does it have to be? Relationship therapist Esther Perel examines why people cheat, and unpacks why affairs are so traumatic; because they threaten our emotional security. In infidelity, she sees something unexpected – an expression of longing and loss. A must-read for anyone who has ever cheated or been cheated on, or who simply wants a new framework for understanding relationships.”
3. Rebuilding Closeness
Over time, couples can slip into living more like flatmates than romantic partners. It’s rarely anyone’s fault; life, kids, work, and distractions just get in the way. The good news: with focus and effort, you can rebuild friendship, intimacy, and connection.
Solutions:
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Plan date nights: once a month, take turns organising something new or fun together.
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Talk differently: on dates, avoid chores and daily logistics; try conversation starters to spark fresh connection.
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Create small rituals: share 10-15 minutes each day over coffee or an evening meal, not to problem-solve but simply to listen and reconnect.
4. Living with Differences
Research shows that around 70% of relationship problems can’t be “fixed”. The key isn’t to eliminate them, but to change how you talk about them. It’s less about solving and more about managing with care, humour, and respect.
Solutions:
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Watch your tone: replace criticism or contempt with softer, calmer language.
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Tread lightly: accept that some issues (stepchildren, household chores, pet annoyances, in-laws) may always be there.
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Focus on dialogue, not winning: it’s how you talk about differences that makes or breaks the relationship.
5. Recognising Hidden Needs
We can hide our feelings for a while, but eventually they will resurface, often as resentment, disappointment, or hurt. Many of us never learned how to recognise our own feelings, let alone ask for what we need in a relationship. Over time, these unspoken needs create distance and disconnection.
Solution
- Check-in with your own feelings: to work out what you do and don’t need – a negative feeling usually tells you it’s something you don’t need, the opposite is what you need.
- Share daily: use simple daily rituals to express needs.
- Be specific: ask for clear, actionable behaviours that help meet them.
6. More Than Just Staying for the Kids
Many couples stay together for the children, believing it’s better to keep two parents under one roof. While a loving partnership can create a nurturing home, a hostile or disconnected one can quietly teach children unhealthy lessons about love, care, and respect. If you’re staying for the kids, couples therapy can help you rebuild your connection and even fall back in love.
Solutions:
- Communicate with care: use calm, respectful language and listen without interrupting.
- Create shared rituals: small moments of connection, like bedtime chats or weekend breakfasts, keep the partnership visible to the kids.
- Meet emotional needs: check in with each other about what you need to feel valued and supported.
- Plan date nights: even short outings or shared hobbies help maintain intimacy.
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Model healthy conflict: disagreements happen, but resolving them respectfully shows children how to handle tension constructively.
7. Boundaries with the Extended Family
Family gatherings, holidays, birthday’s, graduations can bring extra stress when in-laws are involved. Maybe your partner sides with their parents, or won’t stand up to them, or you hear passive-aggressive comments about you or how you raise the children. Left unmanaged, these tensions can spill into your relationship.
Solutions
- Set clear boundaries: agree on what is acceptable behaviour from relatives and communicate it together.
- Stay united: present a united front with your partner; you’re a team first.
- Choose your battles: not every comment or slight needs a response; focus on what really matters.
- Practice respectful communication: discuss frustrations calmly, without blame, to avoid escalating conflict.
8. Getting on the Same Page with Parenting
When parenting styles clash, it’s easy to fall into blame or argue in front of the children. Good cop/bad cop routines or public criticisms can undermine both your authority and your relationship. No parent should carry the burden alone, getting on the same page is key.
Solutions:
- Plan ahead: agree on how to handle common situations with the children before they arise.
- Set clear family rules: create consistent expectations and consequences that both parents follow.
- Post and refer: display rules and consequences visibly in the home, so both parents can reinforce them fairly.
- Stay united: discuss disagreements privately, not in front of the kids, to model respectful problem-solving.
9. Not Being on the Same Team
Rolling your eyes, dismissing your partner’s opinions, or always telling them how to do things “better” erodes trust in the other partner. When you’re not on the same side, even small disagreements feel like battles.
Solutions
- Learn to listen: sometimes it’s not about fixing the problem, it’s about hearing your partner and offering encouragement, being in their corner of a boxing ring.
- Ask first: check if they want advice or just support: “Do you want me to help or just be here for you?”
- Communicate respectfully: avoid criticism, sarcasm, or dismissive gestures.
10. The Intimacy Gap
Intimacy isn’t just sex, it’s how you connect, say hello and goodbye, and make each other feel seen. Life, stress, and routines can erode these moments, leaving partners feeling distant. Rituals like shared glances, touch, or small acts of closeness may not feel natural at first, but they’re just as vital as any other part of your relationship.
Solutions:
- Prioritise emotional needs: check in with each other regularly and ensure both partners feel heard and valued.
- Plan non-sexual intimacy: holding hands, hugging, kissing hello and goodbye, cuddling, and making eye contact all strengthen your bond.
- Create small daily rituals: even short moments of connection help maintain closeness and emotional safety.
11. When Desire Fades
It’s common for physical attraction to wane over time, and it’s rarely just about looks. Changes in weight, age, or hormones can play a part, but emotional and relational factors are often bigger drivers. Stress, fatigue, unresolved conflict, or feeling disconnected can all dampen desire. Even busy lifestyles, parenting responsibilities, and distractions like phones or social media can erode intimacy.
Solutions
- Plan regular dates: prioritise time together away from routine and responsibilities.
- Reconnect physically: hand-holding, hugs, kisses, or eye contact can rebuild connection gradually. This can move into exploring what turns each other on, from touch to more intimate moments.
- Prioritise emotional closeness: share feelings, listen deeply, understand each other to meet each other’s emotional needs.
12. Lack of Boundaries
After the honeymoon phase, it’s easy to start overstepping each other’s personal, emotional, or digital boundaries without realising it. Going through phones, making unilateral decisions, dismissing feelings, or controlling routines can all create distance and resentment. Respecting limits is key to maintaining trust, closeness, and connection.
Solutions
- Respect personal space and time: allow your partner alone time, hobbies, and downtime without judgment.
- Communicate clearly: discuss expectations around chores, finances, parenting, and social plans – do not make assumptions.
- Prioritise emotional safety: listen without criticising, validate feelings, and avoid trying to “fix” your partner.
- Agree on digital boundaries: set rules for phone, social media, and digital activity to protect connection.
13. Money Matters
Finances are a common source of stress in relationships. Different money habits, differing beliefs and expectations on spending or hidden debts can create tension and distance. Honest communication and shared goals are key.
Solutions
- Be transparent: be open about income, debt, and financial responsibilities.
- Set goals together: both short-term (bills, savings) and long-term (mortgage, retirement).
- Participate equally: ensure all partners get an equal say when it comes to financial discussions.
- Communicate calmly: avoid blame or criticism when discussing money matters.
14. Disconnected by Devices
Phones, social media, and gaming can intrude on quality time. Feeling ignored or unimportant can damage connection. Setting limits protects your relationship.
Solutions
- Set clear tech boundaries: decide together how and when devices are used at home.
- Protect family time: ensure shared moments are free from screens.
- Respect personal limits: each partner should honour the agreed boundaries for devices.
15. Navigating Life Transitions
Major life changes; career shifts, bereavement, children leaving home, can strain relationships. Without intentional effort, couples may drift apart.
Solutions
- Check in regularly: maintain communication during periods of change.
- Address emotional needs: ensure all partners feel supported and heard during life changes.
Conclusion
These 15 common problems are challenges a lot of relationships face. Couples Counselling or Relationship counselling can support each partner to rebuild trust, intimacy, and communication. However, solutions only work if each partner is committed to try to understand and adapt. If any of these resonate, speak to a couples counsellor or relationship therapist.